I’ve been reading the book Becoming Divinely Human by CC Leigh. She’s a teacher in Trillium Awakening (formerly Waking Down). Saniel Bonder founded Waking Down in the ‘90s. His primary influence was the infamous Adi Da (Baba Free John).
Their teachers are all awake. They took the approach of building a framework around their own experience rather than using traditional models, as I do. (My approach has been to start with a traditional model, then explore how it’s being experienced in the current time.) It’s very important that a model is founded on experience and isn’t just conceptual. Also, that it’s founded in consciousness and not emotions or another effect.
The teachers created a non-hierarchical model of governance and ended up stepping away from Saniel, hence the name change.
Their emphasis is on an embodied awakening. Not just transcending into source and staying detached from the world, but bringing that back into the world. (Hence “waking down” into the body, rather than just waking up.)
They’re named after the 3-petalled Trillium flower because of the 3 aspects: the awakening itself, embodiment of that, and mutuality; embodiment in relationship.
Back to CC’s book, it’s focused primarily on the approach, first shift, and embodiment. While the terminology differs from what I use, it’s rare to find a book that covers this territory well.
Like Adyashanti’s book, The End of Your World, it’s a very real discussion of some challenges that can come up in an unfolding.
She describes a general pattern of the awakening process:
1) a glimpse or sense of more
2) a dark night or deconstruction of identification with the old
3) Oscillations in and out of an expanded state (tastes)
4) Awakening or the shift of “identity-gravity”
5) Integration of the new, which may mean a major restructuring
6) a plateau or resting point before the next process
i.e. this pattern can repeat (with variations) through later stages. (Later, it’s more transformation of identity than dark night, though.)
Her map article I described prior is an earlier and broader overview of the larger process. I’m also writing a further article on the topic based on this book.
The first chapter explores “dark nights.” There’s a wide variation in this experience, but it’s not uncommon for the old egoic drivers to fall away. We can lose meaning or drive. The seeking can be part of that, so spiritual teachings and even practices can lose their charm. Some write like this is the “truth” or reality, but it’s important to recognize this is just a transitional period. The human part is downshifting to make way for the higher Self.
She discusses the unpacking that can happen prior to that first shift. Saniel called it the “rot” but CC calls it the deconstruction.
Essentially, things in our life that are out of alignment with our deeper nature will fall away. In my experience, I framed it as the end of a major karmic episode and realigning with dharma. In the lead-up, I left the company I’d co-founded, my marriage ended, and we sold our house. This helped set the stage for the shift, spirituality moved back to the forefront, and then the writing began. Through this process, I had an abiding witness, so while challenging, it was not experienced as a “dark night,” but simply a transformation. I’d learned to trust life enough to know that what was to come would be an upgrade.
However, we should not consider this kind of dramatic shift necessary. Not everyone will experience this process that way. It depends on the individual process and circumstances and how aligned we already are. For example, a friend of mine’s life stayed much the same except that his energy increased, so he expanded his work load.
The next chapter is on the Quickening, when the potential becomes more real and we move out of the darker period. This happened here, but I did not recognize it until after, in retrospect.
CC then explores the existential Core Wound. This is an interesting framing of the inner duality that can become very conscious in this process. We have the aspect of us that is boundless and free. And the aspect of us that is limited and wounded. She describes it as a Core Paradox. There can be a tendency to reject our humanity in this period.
For me, it was less about a wound and more that the ego was in fear of its life. (It doesn’t actually die, it just gets demoted to its proper place.) All this time, it’s been trying to control our lives, but its machinations are now being seen through. In this period, it can become the trickster, trying to distract us from the truth of our being so we don’t see through it.
Most people are not aware of this, as it’s uncomfortable to experience, especially if it’s not understood. And until this point in the journey, it’s not useful to be aware of it as there’s not much we can do about it. But when our deeper nature becomes loud enough, it becomes apparent and we’re ready to make the shift.
She observes that a lot of self-judgment comes out of this “wound”, but none of it is our fault. It’s just the nature of being human. Having it become clear and conscious allows us to find peace with being both divine* and human. It’s not something we fix or heal. It’s not trauma. Instead, she talks about allowing it to be as it is. Acceptance. She describes it as relaxing into the Core Mystery to clear the way for an Embodied Awakening. For me, it was the ego taking its rightful place as a function rather than a master.
* what CC means here by Divine is like what I’ve called expressed divine in articles like this.
This leads us into the next chapter on Greenlighting, what I would call allowing. Through this deeper exploration of self-acceptance, the egoic aspects can release their need to judge and control everything. This releases our resistance to what is, allowing it to come forward and be seen – setting the stage for healing and awakening.
“Spirit comes alive and awake right alongside self-interest and even pettiness, and then begins to soften and transform our humanness…”
She observes greenlighting is not a passive resignation nor affirmation. It is an active investigation, a curiosity about what is really here and what baggage we carry.
“Once ego no longer feels solely responsible for our survival… it gets to relax.”
Chapter 5 is called Inseeing. This is a healing process similar to the somatic therapy approaches I’ve seen. It outlines a greenlighting application using a step-by-step process that connects the thinking mind to the body’s (somatic) knowing. This helps allow a fuller Embodied Awakening.
“Beyond greenlighting is the final step of compassion.”
CC notes that the X-factor is presence. Presence or compassionate observing awareness allows us to engage with our unresolved past from a neutral, safe place. It may not yet be abiding, but if we can call it up, it allows us to let go and resolve the unfinished experiences without getting drawn into a drama, without having to relive the trauma itself. We can come to experience our emotions fully without being unconsciously controlled by them.
“It is your ability to feel deeply that brings meaning into your life.” Richness too.
A guided process, such as the somatic Embodied Processing I’ve been studying, or the above Inseeing, can have similar benefits as the practitioner amplifies our developing sense of Presence. This also helps it grow stronger.
“What is seen or felt moves.” Making it conscious allows it to be experienced and complete.
She notes that Presence means an embodied awareness that is alive and “intimately associated with all the elements of our human experience.” It is not just the detached witness that is as yet separate from other levels of our being. Again, an emphasis on embodiment.
Chapter 7 explores the value of skilled support – of peers, teachers, mentors, and therapists. Without relationship, there is no one to mirror our blind spots, so they can remain hidden. She describes what Trillium offers and how its teachers don’t hide their humanity.
Next, CC explores mutuality. “Mutuality is the art of honoring one’s true and total self while also making room for others to be doing the same.” This is something rare in spiritual communities. She clarifies that it’s not just radical honesty – we take responsibility for the impact of what we say too.
She speaks of how the interested curiosity in presence, about what is arising in you, can apply to active listening for others. You can extend this into mutuality.
This can take practice for many people. So often, we’re in our heads, thinking about what we’re going to say next and not being present to the other. When we let go of trying to control the narrative, we can speak from a deeper place. That can itself become a powerful practice.
“Speaking one’s truth can also serve to bring the masculine and feminine sides of your nature into greater dynamic balance.” CC describes the masculine as the interpreting/expressing aspects and the feminine as the sensing/feeling.
We then get into the fun part of the book. Chapter 9 is on Illuminations, how our practice leads to glimpses of reality.
“Such peak experiences, or revelations, always come by grace – according to divine timing rather than human desire or control. They typically come at the most unexpected moments.”
CC recommends 4 key practices:
1) Gazing: into the eyes of the awake. This amplifies the awake presence within. The book includes a gazing photo of CC. Lorn Hoff does this too.
2) Inseeing: with soul qualities or similar somatic work. We’ve touched on Inseeing above. When you’ve done enough healing work, you can invite soul qualities (peace, love, wellness, being, etc.) in to amplify them, if the capacity is there for them.
3) Meditation: “meditation is one of the best tools for discovering what lies beyond the parameters of your normal thinking mind.”
4) Contemplation: she describes how meditation will naturally lead “into effortless, deep contemplation.” By this she means Being turns onto itself to see itself, rather than looking outward.
CC also writes about moderating expectations, observing that many descriptions of enlightenment are written from an expanded state before they’ve come back down into their humanity. Transformations don’t come in one fell swoop, but over time.
In the prior article, she talks about Awareness, Heart, and Being as styles of awakening. Here, she mentions them as the three primary aspects or “flavours” of consciousness. We could say three styles of how the body experiences transcendent qualities. This has some alignment with the head, heart, and gut identifications.
All of this leads to Chapter 10, Divinely Human Awakening. Divinely Human meaning the Divine awakeness embodied in a human life. As I’ve mentioned, Self Realization is considered dwaita or duality. CC describes it as a dual identity, both conditioned self and unconditioned essence.
She describes two principle types of consciousness awakenings that precede embodied awakening:
1) transcendent or witness awakening where consciousness is present but experienced as separate from the body-mind as an observer. This she does not consider an embodied awakening.
2) embodied-feeling awakening or “sacred marriage” where it’s also “in and as the feelings of the body-mind.” This is moving more into what I’d call flow.
I frame this a bit differently. I discuss how some, like myself, have the witness wake up while still ego-identified. Later, the witness wakes up to itself for actual Self Realization. Or these happen together. And then, that awakening moves forward into the body-mind for an embodied or more integrated stage.
Her description also has elements of what I’d probably classify as God Consciousness, which is part of the process of moving the embodiment forward. A little different framing.
She describes the key elements:
a) living the duality of being human and consciousness, simultaneously
b) the end of seeking as it had been known
c) recognizing the non-separate nature of self and other, of consciousness and matter (not just detached witnessing)
She also discusses some of the last resistances to awakening. This is sometimes called a last stress.
Trillium Awakening now refers to the shift as a Whole Being Realization. Saniel also called it the second birth, a perspective the Vedas also mention. It can certainly feel like being born again.
Chapter 11 explores the reconfiguration process that happens post-awakening. This typically includes a honeymoon period, followed by old patterns of reactivity and trauma surfacing. This clears the path and supports greater integration. There may be greater variability at first, with doubt, and sensitivity.
Periods of well-being grow more predominant as the awakening deepens, and the sense of paradox begins to shift into the “seamless Onlyness” of the fourth stage of embodied awakening.
Finally, she explores the Divinely Human Life and some of the applied aspects and potential of an integrated and embodied unfolding.
I’ll compare stages models in a followup article.
I quite enjoyed this exploration of the unfolding process. Becoming Divinely Human is available on Amazon.
Davidya