We’re all guilty of mistreating someone at some time or another. Probably of unintentional harm as well. Often, we have little idea of the consequences of our words and actions.
For example, how many people have been affected by my on-line writing that I’m unaware of? People may have been moved, offended, confused, or even shamed. But will I know unless they write or comment? Yet I continue to be called to write.
It’s important to understand that you have control over your actions alone, not over results. I wrote about that recently on Responsibility. You especially have no control over how others respond. That’s on them.
Let’s explore this in more detail so we see where we can take responsibility and where not.
– there is what happened.
– there is how you have responded to what happened.
– there is how others responded to what happened.
– there is the connection between you and others energetically.
What’s happened has happened. There is nothing you can do to change the past. What you can do is confined to yourself, now. This means you can’t do anything about how others responded either. That’s theirs to deal with, not yours. Trying to fix what’s not your problem will fail and potentially make it worse.
Thus it’s important to recognize what you can do something about and what you can’t.
The Serenity Prayer comes to mind:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.”
The most important part is resolving energetically how you responded. You’re complete when you become neutral about it, when you don’t feel reactive when you remember the event. This means there is no longer an energetic node or charge and all its ties to your past and others fall away. This completes it here plus resolves your side of the energetic connection.
Becoming neutral doesn’t mean condone or agree with what happened. If it was unfortunate, it remains unfortunate. This is about putting it down energetically, letting it go emotionally, forgiving. This way you stop supporting the suffering that happened.
If the person who felt wronged or hurt continues carrying it that is their karma. You can’t make it yours. But you can stop supporting its sustaining energy. That makes it easier for them. In fact, your resolution stops the energy from cycling up through mutual reinforcement.
People who perceive themselves as victims often carry the charge far longer than the instigator. It validates their perception but extends their suffering.
We may seek to make amends but if we do so while still carrying our stuff, we greatly muddy the waters. For example, if we’re motivated by guilt, it will distort our efforts. It’s like offering someone a gift while including a bad smell.
It takes practice to develop skill in letting go. So much of western culture is about holding on, controlling, and suppressing. Transcendence is certainly valuable. (what I used) Unfolding enlightenment is the more complete solution. Until we’re established in being, there is no neutral point. There is always some value of reactivity in play.
For big stuff, you may find Byron Katie’s The Work or Hoʻoponopono useful.
The Work focuses on getting outside the stories we’re telling ourselves about what happened. The mind justifies its hold with stories. Seeing through them can be key for letting go, especially of self-victimization.
Modern Hoʻoponopono is about forgiveness, the step you can take after you stop defending.
And then you’re well suited to learn energy healing from someone like Dorothy Rowe. The reduction in noise makes it much easier to see and heal.