This came up in another forum when someone questioned why they hear of the end of ego but the ego returning and some awake teachers not acting like their ego is gone. Edited slightly for context.
There’s a few things here. When awakening is happening, it can very well feel like an ego dissolution or death. However, what is actually happening is the identifications of the ego are dissolving, not the ego itself. Thus the ego is again recognized as being present after awakening, but it is no longer the centre. It’s simply a function, a person there that has preferences and karma, etc. It’s lost it’s weight and influence. It’s demoted.
For a monk, they may intentionally deny the ego but a householder needs their ego to function normally in the world.
As Adyashanti describes, ego can try to reassert itself on occasion for some time afterwards. This is due to the second part of the process, the winding down of what are called the Vasanas (desires) and Samskaras (impressions). A true awakening roasts the old seeds but there is usually a bunch of the above remaining after. I used to refer to this as “ego shrapnel”. This is resolved simply by living life and having it come up. In the new awareness, it is much easier to resolve without living it out quite so much.
But it means even the awake can get drawn into some dramas and things for a time. This can even show up as the old ego reasserting itself. Everyone can get a little stuck sometimes. Some of those impressions can be very difficult and there can be lifetimes of resistance to release. That may show up as expectations around being a teacher or some other role that have to be shattered. This can get much messier when someone is in a teacher role. Some begin a little too prematurely.
There is a further aspect through the later Unity stage where all aspects of the apparent person become recognized as not individual but cosmic. This includes the ego. However, by this point, it has required a series of deep surrenders that don’t happen if there is still a lot of resistance going on.
You just have to consider puberty. Same process everyone goes through but some more smoothly than others. Human development is a somewhat messy process that shows up a little differently for all of us.
We took this body driven by those old Vasanas so as long as we’re in a body, there can always be a bit of shadow there. In other words, no matter the enlightenment, there is still a human.
Davidya
Last Updated on July 28, 2015 by
Oh, but David, then there is the shrapnel that came in with me genetically … and no one that I remember asked me about that, or the household, the neighborhood … And I know that I have no choice, but to mix metaphors, can I get a mulligan for this? 🙂
Hi Don
To be clear, a used “shrapnel” a little loosely in the article. The way I’ve generally used the term is for the shards of self-concept that remain after the center has shattered. This is after Self Realization when ego identification has broken. There is usually a bunch of stories that sprung from that to be seen through.
For example, we can have a concept that we’re no good at something that’s rooted in a story, interpreting an experience. “I’m no good at math”, for example, because of school circumstances. This is distinct from actuality and contains resistance. We refuse to even consider it. If we decide to actually study math, we’ll have to work through that resistance before we can develop skill.
That resistance is where it connects with vasanas.
As for your comment, no one may have asked “me” but there’s a process when we take a life of choosing it and agreeing to take on some family (ancestral) baggage in exchange for the life. There is often a great deal of love and care involved, But that all gets lost when we step into the me role.
However, taking a role allows us to work through some difficult stuff we wouldn’t be able to if we remembered.
Actually, we get quite few mulligans. As long as it doesn’t throw off the balance of nature, it doesn’t count. 🙂