In many of the worlds traditions, we bury the dead or cremate them and bury the ashes. This is a good practice for several reasons. It returns the elements to the earth. But it also allows the unresolved energy still associated with the body to gradually resolve and dissipate.
This unresolved energy is those things that didn’t solidify into karmic seeds but were left incomplete. Perhaps something of the death process and recent experiences. We could describe death as the first relief of life’s burdens.
Some may cremate the remains and place them in a fancy urn for display. I would not consider this a good practice as it is more difficult for the energy to resolve and it’s often being kept in the home. This is not what you want to share of your loved one.
More useful is a shrine composed of photos and mementos of the loved one. Or planting a tree in their name, and so forth. This can help process the grief in a healthy way. Avoid trying to rationalize away the death as “inevitable” or “for the best” to avoid feelings. Allow whatever arises to be felt but don’t invest in it. Favour the love and gratitude when you can.
As well as the many mixed feelings we may have after someone’s death, another set of energies comes from the person who has passed. Typically, they’re given the opportunity of a few days or so in a transitional place. A way to get used to stepping out of their life before moving on. A little time for saying goodbye and letting go. If we’re open, we may sense their presence, especially if we’re thinking about them in some way.
Thus for the living, it’s also a good time to say our good-byes and express love & gratitude, as best we can.
A friend mentioned that you may notice an increased number of “coincidences” in your life – one way they may try to communicate. I certainly did.
I have noticed that those in the transitional zone also often have mixed feelings, perhaps some regrets or confusion too. After they complete the transition and move up to where they’ll be next, there is a second letting go and a still deeper relief from the burdens of a physical life.
If we’re aware of them, we can support them in their process and help with any confusion. But it’s not your job to take on any of the energy they’re letting go of – that is for their experience. Take care of yourself first.
A suicide however, seems to be obliged to stay in the transitional zone longer as it’s not yet their time to move on. They’re not yet able to shed all of their burden. If they’re willing to recognize what they’ve done, they’ll be given some guidance and support for resolving it.
A somewhat similar thing can happen if someone is overly attached to something in their life or unwilling to accept their death. They get stuck in the transitional zone until they’re willing to move on. For example, a friend’s mother died while in a deep coma, waking into the transitional zone. They were confused and inflexible about it. But once guided to the light, they were able to move on.
Death is a profound shift out of one story on the soul’s journey. The more conscious we are in the process, the more completely we can let go and the more ready we are for what follows.
Davidya
Beautiful!!!!
Thanks, Michael.
Death can be a beautiful thing if we come to it well. But that may take practice. (laughs)
Funny. ….. and very True.
There is a joke I was reminded of. When we come into the world we cry and everyone else celebrates. When we leave, we celebrate and everyone else cries. 😉
David, have really been loving your blogs. Thank you! I’m surprised you didn’t talk about scattering ashes, as many suggest that. Does having the ashes placed in a columbarium resolve the energy? When you say not to keep the ashes in the home as it’s difficult for the energy to resolve, is that for the benefit of the deceased loved one or for the benefit of the living person who is trying to dissipate the energy? I’m in this unfortunate position and trying to make a decision, as the grief process has been very difficult.
Hi Judy
Scattering ashes is also good but is banned in many areas due to population levels and attitudes. Scattering into water seems the best but natural is the ideal. Some funeral homes have artificial ponds for ceremonial scattering but the ashes are dumped later.
The residual energy will dissipate in any case. It’s simple smoother if it’s allowed to happen naturally and isn’t sealed up.
To understand, our possessions take on some of the energy of the “owner”. The body is one of our more intimate “possessions” so it’s more laden with energies. Those dissipate naturally in time but it rather depends on the kind and intensity of energy.
For example, if the person had a long and difficult illness it would be much different than if not. If the person was angry and repressed it will be different from someone more happy.
This isn’t directly for the deceased or the living but rather for natural cycles. The issues with bringing it into the home are around not completing the letting go, the kinds of energies that may remain, and so forth.
So much depends on how healthy our emotional dynamics are. If we’re balanced and healthy, there may be a major grief process but we’ll come to terms and move on with life. If we’re not, letting go and completion are actively avoided.
Sometimes, we have to give ourselves a break and take time before we make decisions. And sometimes decisions are pushed upon us at difficult times. Just do what you can and don’t worry about right or wrong. There is no perfect here, just the next step.
For example, it’s just fine to have the urn in the home until you can make a decision. I wouldn’t keep it by the bedside or on display but rather somewhere more neutral. And then when the times comes, the next step will be clear.
Blessings on your healing journey.
Thank you for your wonderful teachings and for your availability to answer questions!
Your answer reminded me that of course, it’s all about the evolution of Consciousness. It’s strange, nonduality teachings have predominated my life for the past few years after I found out there was such a thing (being Catholic before that). It all made sense. Since my husband passed, I have found that I have to stay away from the teachers who say that we’re soul-less, there is no purpose, life after death or reincarnation, and apparently, deceased loved ones are now in a “silent and aware endless void”. It sounds like Nihlism. This has impeded my process of letting go, as I would prefer to feel that he and other loved ones are in more of a state of joy and peace.
These ideas have greatly heightened my anxiety and depression, as I’ve gone through some really strong negativity where I’ve even considered that if we all end up in a void nothing, why should I stay alive and suffer?
That’s why I search out live teachers, such as you, who see the much bigger picture.
There is a kind of minimalism in some teachers. What I would describe as a lack of development of refined perception. This may indeed be their truth but I don’t consider it a healthy perspective for living life in the world.
Here, and in many i know, there is very much an experience of a soul, a sequence of lifetimes here, and time in the subtler layers before and after a human embodiment. This has been part of the experience for decades and I’ve helped a few people with their transition after death.
In prior articles I’ve even compared dying with waking up. This is because of coming out from under the effects created by forgetting and by being rooted in a dense physical body. But learning our lessons in this way is more effective and we can evolve faster in this field of free will.
Life here is anything but pointless and nothing ends when we die, except that chapter and the vehicle we were riding. In many cases, putting down the vehicle is a relief.
This article was written after my mother passed. I thought I might help her with her transition but she didn’t need it. She mainly wanted to be sure we were all fine, much as she’d always behaved.
You may find these articles useful for perceptive on your process:
https://davidya.ca/2010/05/07/processing-grief/
https://davidya.ca/2014/12/25/the-blessing-of-grief/
You’ve likely already seen various articles I’ve written on death. The death of a loved one can be very difficult, especially if we don’t have the direct experience of our eternal nature.
I’m sure he’ll feel more at peace when you do. But usually, people can only stay for a bit of time before their next role. What happens next varies. Sometimes, people take a holiday and enjoy. Sometimes people move into a new role like helping others with what they’ve learned. It depends on what is most desired here and needed by the whole.
But you can be sure all is well and there is an aspect of celebration, like graduation.
Give yourself time to heal.
I don’t remember exactly when I stopped being afraid of death, but it was because I realized that no one ever really ‘dies’.
I recall realizing it from a t-shirt. (laughs) It said “I’d Rather Be Immortal” with wings on the sides. I got one of them and crossed out part to say “I Am Immortal.”
.
Recognizing our eternal nature, the fear of death falls away…
🙂
🙂