The Push

Under the world of appearances, consciousness flows. The very stuff of our being moves and shifts in a kaleidoscope of possibility as awareness explores the infinite within Itself. That movement we experience as the shifting expression we call the world, as well as our shifting internal landscapes.

To see the flow, we first have to see through the illusion. Wake up to who we are, then come to discover the reality of what is. Then the flow can be literally seen, like a current and waves flowing through the apparently solid but actually alive world.

Sometimes, I used to get a sense of “change in the air”. Sometimes, this was a strong sense, sometimes a quieter knowing. Sometimes, it grew like a shadow, suddenly rising into awareness. Sometimes I had a good sense of what was changing, but other times it was something more subtle, like a shift in the wind, a little change in the fabric that would cause ripples in the ways of the flow. Sometimes I would see the resulting change in the world, sometimes not. Mysterious are the ways of the force, Luke.

I did not understand the flow then, so I remained uncertain about what such sense “meant”, like consciousness itself had to have some meaning to its movement. But meaning is value added, if we could put it that way. Perhaps more like limitations added. Meaning arises in the mind. It gives context to our experience but is not the driving force. Much as we may take meaning to be our driver, meaning is not the driver – just the context that it is placed in. Put another way, meaning arises from our local (individual) perspective or viewpoint, not from the flow itself.

Yet paradoxically, and later just ironically, perspective itself is determined by the flow of consciousness, so consciousness is also determining how it is perceived. It is not Bob awakening to Self, it is Self awakening to Bob.

I am not suggesting here that no meaning means the flow does not have inherent intelligence. Indeed, the flow brims with intention and purpose. But the meaning we give that is a meaning edited for local consumption. Pared down to what the human mind can digest.

Sometimes, when I got that sense of change, it came with a kind of inner “push”. This push was a marker that the change involved me more directly. The flow was giving me a nudge. It also often came with a sense of discomfort or restlessness – what i now recognize as resistance. I used to make the mistake of mixing the resistance with the sense of change, as if the flow was bringing me restlessness. I now see that it is local (individual) that is resisting the push of the flow.

Of course, its perfectly normal to resist change a bit. We need to give ourselves time to adapt. Even if we’re being nagged to hurry up (laughs). But nothing can resist the flow itself. To try to do so is called suffering. I’ve also noticed that the resistance can arise because the push is pushing us somewhere that doesn’t make ‘logical’ sense. It becomes time to leave a stable job but doing so does not make sense. How are we to satisfy the mind about this push? If we pause, the push may grow stronger until there is no choice. Or we may simply stagnate for awhile.

Yes, this is an issue of trust, an issue many of us face. Rooted in the world of change, we do not trust what apparently is. For good reason, because it is not reliable. When we come to have a deeper sense of what is, our trust can return. But it can still sometimes feel like jumping off a cliff (laughs).

Inversely, we may also find a fallow period. A period without push when we want one. We want a sense of what we should do, what needs to be done. We’re trying to accomplish something but the path is not clear and we seem to experience resistance to our efforts. Ironically it can sometimes be that we’re not pushing hard enough – there is some barrier to overcome. Or it may be we’re pushing too hard. We need to ease up until the time is right. Time for a little rest. What is the correct answer? Pay attention to how it feels. What is resisting? What needs to be done and who needs it done?

You may find it odd that I talk about now, yet also about waiting, as if for another now. Time arises from our perception of the flow, perceiving a sequence of events. This is simply a mechanism for knowing process. Without process how can we understand flow? In actuality, there is no separate time. All moments are the same moment. This is not to say that everything happened at once, as once is also a time. Its just to say that its all now, curving back on itself. I don’t suppose that made any sense. (laughs)

I see the play of life more clearly now. But the ways of the flow remain a mystery, too complex to comprehend. Simple process, infinite ramification. (that darned Brazilian butterfly) In my own life, I completed a project last year and suddenly everything changed. Without resistance, it was simply a joy to watch the play unfold. Lovely surprises and joy. Friends taken aback. One area however did not go where expected. After a short pause, what seemed the ideal scenario arose in that area. But now the push is back. And its right there, getting stronger. Right where I thought it done. I begin to see the little lesson in that brief sojourn. Lay some meaningless meaning on events. Something to satisfy the mind. Am very curious to see what unfolds now.