A discussion over on Self and No-Self led to the topic of attachment & non-attachment.
The release of attachment is a key step in awakening. When we’re no longer identified with ourselves as an individual person, our deeper nature can shine through and the journey of enlightenment can begin.
“Yoga is the complete settling of the activity of the mind.
Then the observer rests in the true nature of the Self.”
– Yoga Sutra v1-2,3
While we may experience this as a single letting go, there are generally a whole series of attachments that are released prior. And more later. Some of them will be small, like noticing we have a bit of attitude about a certain person. And some of them will be larger, like being attached to a self concept about an ability. “I can’t swim” or “I’m a chess master.” These may be true, but when they get entangled with identity, they become binding. For example, we’ll experience a lot of resistance to swimming lessons if this action will threaten our sense of self that believes we can’t, or that it’s unsafe.
We can’t think our way out of attachment. Rather, through samadhi (transcending), as Yoga describes, we settle into our true nature. This softens the bindings of attachment and gives us tastes of our deeper nature. Gradually these tastes begin to culture presence and the witness or detached observer.
Further, as we settle within, old resistances and incomplete experiences have the opportunity to rise in our awareness, be processed, and complete. Many attachments fall away.
This process increases our clarity and settledness. This includes of the intellect. Our ability to discriminate increases.
Currently, we’re in a time where there’s a lot of fear in the collective. Partly this is because of rising consciousness bringing it to the surface. When people don’t know how to process it and are identified, they can get caught up in it. When we’re stressed, the body shifts away from the higher brain into defence. This lowers discrimination. It’s become popular to feel that truth is a personal choice that is completely subjective.
Meanwhile, news and social media sites are working to keep eyes from wandering away, so they feed people more of what they’re looking at. But this has a siloing effect where our portal gets narrower and narrower and may drift more and more extreme. It’s easy to feel that a few venters represent the socially accepted worldview. And to let our unresolved emotions guide us.
There are also players on the world stage who love to stir the pot. Fearful, divided people are easier to influence and control. I’m seeing even some awake people fall into the current dramas.
What we need instead is to come back to what is true in our direct experience now. Not what we fear. Not what we think. Not what we believe or imagine. But what is actually here, now. Yet many avoid that experience, as it means feeling their unresolved emotions. They escape into TV, games, food, doom-scrolling, etc.
An effortless meditation can help us process. But it’s useful to watch how we’re being in activity. Not to control. Just out of curiosity. So often, we soften bindings in meditation only to jump back into contraction in activity, out of habit. Especially if we’re not being exposed to people who behave otherwise.
Some people actively culture non-attachment. But if this is done from a conceptual lens, there can be a lack of responsibility and discrimination. Especially when it’s mixed with ideas of world-as-illusion and how the ego is supposed to fall away, as if these are goals rather than a phase.
Because an identified ego is prone to attachment to feel secure, attachment is natural until we see through it. We can even become attached to non-attachment. There are lots of superficial attachments, like to a favourite piece of clothing. And there can be very subtle attachments, like trying to look or behave a certain way to align with who we think we should be.
Unfortunately, such attachments create a barrier to living our authentic nature. Which means we act out of alignment with why we’re here. And that really mutes nature’s support and our experience of life supporting us.
True non-attachment doesn’t come from the mind. It comes from the deep recognition of our true nature. A recognition so deep that it changes our experience of ourselves and the world. This is why Self Realization is called liberation.
Davidya
Another beautifully balanced exposition, David. Thanks for this.
The only thing I might add is, the idea that one eventually, ultimately goes entirely beyond attachment (as an all-time state, not simply when one transcends mental activity) I think is unrealistic.
Attachment does become thinner and thinner, but there is still a mechanism of attachment that facilitates living a human life. In that context, at times we may find there is some attachment or other that even may seem still quite strong, even after advanced stages of awakening. The idea that we can/must somehow get beyond all attachment once and for all, can itself be an object of attachment.
Ultimately, enlightenment is a complete embrace and acceptance of everything exactly as it is, with the direct awareness that it is all perfect exactly as it is. “Brahman accepts everything and rejects nothing.” “Brahman includes everything and excludes nothing.” This, of course, is paradoxical, but so be it.
Hi Jerry
You’re right. I started the article talking about how natural attachment is, like to our partner, family, and children. To what we love. That got lost in the process.
The issue is more with the binding aspect of attachment. We can resolve the binding while still being connected.
And there’s another layer to this that you point to. Like the idea of lesha avidya, the remains of ignorance. As long as we’re here in a human life, we need some contraction to function. Some shadow. Some attachment. Even to simply ground in the body.
And yes, Brahman is radically inclusive.
This is great davidya. I often reflect on why it takes people so long to break through even with awakened people in their lives. This softening of attachment you mention through samadhi was always my experience too but as you mention we come out more free only to have unhelpful habits waiting for us. If we can discern this and choose not to jump back in so fast, we can continue to unfold in freedom more quickly. Easier said than done. Sometimes more love and compassion can aid in this too.
Right, Dm.
It takes time and awareness, and a willingness to see our stuff and hold it without judgement.
But that’s OK. It’s a process of experiencing and growing which is in the nature of why we’re here.
Attachments are so deeply embedded in psyche.. at the level of gut, heart, intellect(habits of conditioning). I am learning to catch ego actions red handed! And not act out impulsively. It is process which goes on. As you write it is challenging to not to be identified with person sense of separation. Thanks for sharing. It helps.
Hi Guru
Yes, attachments are fundamentally attachments to our ego sense, so they’re part of our identity. This means the identity tries to protect & defend them. Becoming more conscious of them is very helpful. But watch out for how we are with them. Resolving attachments is letting go, not another level of control. Trying to “manage” our attachments is just another attachment. (laughs)
There will always be some attachments – it’s healthy to have light attachment to your partner or family, for example. The key is in that shift in being, in discovering our deeper nature. Then unhelpful attachments will soften and let go. When we wake up, then that challenge eases.