Unhealed emotions and unresolved karma are closely intertwined. We could say unresolved experiences show up as the energy of unhealed emotions.
A common issue with unresolved experiences is repeating circumstances. We leave an angry partner only to find ourselves in a relationship with another.
We change jobs to get away from an abusive boss or toxic work environment only to find ourselves in another.
“Wherever you go, there you are.”
– Buckaroo Banzai
In essence, what is unresolved in us attracts circumstances to make it conscious and heal. It may attract people with complimentary issues, unconsciously drawn to act out with you.
Or the need may draw it out of others. In the latter case, they may not like how they are around you as a result. This can harm relationships.
This is not about the stories we tell ourselves about why. Most of that is a distorted view of what is here. It’s just mind grasping at explanations and looking to blame.
You can’t “figure it out” to solve this. It’s about healing in the field of emotions, energy, and action. That’s not the mind’s territory.
If we listen to the mind less and become more conscious of our emotional dynamics and heal them, it makes all the difference. Notice how you’re responding to circumstances. Is this appropriate and proportional? Do the feelings complete or are they old ones coming up yet again like heartburn?
This process is much easier if we’ve been developing presence aka witnessing awareness through transcending.
There will still be jerks and such around. But as we settle within, they’re not drawn to act out with us the same way. The repeating circumstances fade.
I’ve seen this many times with people. Old, difficult family issues resolved or moved to neutral. Relationship troubles healed. Continual difficulties faded. But it takes courage to face our unresolved past.
This isn’t about perfection. Just moving gradually to a better place so we’re not making as much trouble for ourselves and those around us. The relief is palpable.
Yes – I agree with Buckaroo Banzai! We cannot out run ourselves. One thing I am always surprised by is how detailed and personal it all is. By “it” – I mean any spiritual or internal development is. It is as though there is a detailed probing of all the unhealed areas and things repeat until patterns are noticed and healed. I think in life everything has to be dealt with in excruciating detail – until maybe we have enough presence then things are more swift in resolution.
Well, actually, one of the tricks is, it isn’t personal. That’s just the ego taking what is happening as personal. It’s happening here and relates to what happened here previously. But it’s just the mechanics of nature. And yes, there is a progressive revealing of anything that is unhealed. It really helps when this becomes conscious because then we can resolve it rather than cycling it back again.
I suspect the “excruciating detail” is also a reflection of the ego trying to control the process. If we just allow it, it goes by without much notice for the most part. It takes practice for all the threads of control to release. 🙂
When anger or blame come up, and they almost always come up together, they come
with a rejecting of the truth. The truth that the unwanted is either our own karma or
the karma of another that we’ve agreed to take on. For me, this has been the most
difficult learning. But also the most liberating. Once I accept that the unwanted is
my karma, either directly or indirectly, then I can begin healing. Usually with silent
recitation of Amma’s prayer: Lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu. I stumbled on it
during a harrowing moment. Later found out that Amma, knowing what was coming
in 2020, had been telling her devotees for years to recite it in anticipation of the
hard time coming for the world. Anyway, hope this is helpful.
Everybody’s pattern is different but recognizing it is key in being able to resolve it. But yes, it’s always a rejection of what is here. We’re trying to use our energy against the energy of the universe. That never ends well. 🙂
These are deep habits we’ve carried for a very long time, so yes, they can be very difficult to fully let go. But gradually, when we can see them, we begin to see through them and their grip falls away.
“May all beings be happy.” Prayer can help us let go. In giving, we open ourselves to receiving.
Thanks for sharing.
Another terrific post and so timely.
I personally have been dealing with the rise of extreme anxiety as unresolved issues arise in my day to day life. While fine during my meditations I find it is when I enter activity during my day that the anxiety comes. While I have not yet developed witnessing awareness I do find that my mindfulness practice is really helpful in being present with what arises in the meantime. I welcome and thank the experiences.
You mention “Do the feelings complete or are they old ones coming up yet again like heartburn?”.
Personally this is the challenge as I find various degrees of subtlety to the unresolved revelations. I may think the experiences have been resolved and yet there are underlying layers or depth of subtly that remain, echo’s that if not dissolved through completing the process can gain momentum again if continuously re-cycled and not metabolized and completed.
Repeating circumstances. This is a very profound statement and really cuts through to the heart of the matter in the sense that if the unresolved experiences are too subtle, than the circumstances can provide a direct pointing if I am able to reflect be honest with myself.
Thank you once again for such a thoughtful post and through reading it the opportunity/ reminder for reflection.
This is a mighty intense time for some people. Sometimes, all we can do is tread water. But that’s fine too as we’re learning how to be OK in whatever the circumstance.
And yes, the big stuff can have layers. Perhaps anxiety on the surface, with anger below that, and fear below that. It can be like peeling an onion. But each layer lightens our load, increases clarity, and brings us home.
I sometimes talk of the 3-layered nature of ego. Things that are closely tied to our identity often have that pattern. Stories and repeating patterns on the surface. Energy drivers (emotions) under that. And the protected identity at the core. The latter is not usually recognized until after awakening. But we can make a lot of progress prior to that by clearing those drivers.
You’re welcome. Most people are oblivious to this. Becoming conscious and working off our dramas is a huge step forward that gets us off the wheel of karma…
Love the line “…we are not making as much trouble for ourselves and others around us.”
This is a worthy goal given reality is pretty much an inside job. Reassigning our ego to something else besides creating, explaining and reacting to our reality is an upgraded staffing plan. Now will it accept that new role and allow Unverisal Self to take its place is the question. Thanks H
Yep, an inside job which turns out to be the only job. Outside is inside when we recognize we are it. 🙂
Agreed, a big upgrade. And a relief for all those in our employ. Trust can take a bit of experience but when ego sees the shift is safe and that it doesn’t have to work so hard, it will let go it’s habits of control and fall back into it’s natural function of distinguishing body and mind from the environment. Or it will just get overshadowed by nature.
It’s a bit like an inner child needing love and reassurance. Although there’s one of those in there too. (laughs)
Thank you David. Appreciate this.
I feel there’s been much evolution at this end around how healing is experienced and understood incl reframing it from a mere ending of suffering to something bigger – although its often been motivated by it.
Overall, I feel the journey takes us from healing specifics to a new way of relating with creation and the process of experiencing itself which is healing as well but on a different level.
Owning up to, accepting and honoring my own personal brokenness and incompleteness (often underpinned by shame, unresolved loss, etc), and how it cascaded through all aspects of experiencing was a big one here. Even after various shifts, I often found myself bypassing the personal and resisting certain feelings. I probably still do.
Becoming emotionally more literate and inclusive has been helpful for me (starting from ‘hello sadness’ , ‘hello anger’, ‘hello shame’, etc – they’re all sacred and equally important, I feel). At some point, and only after the personal had healed enough it was seen how important the healing of the personal was for the universal, or rather that they are the very same. As this was revealed, I feel, so has the Humanity/Divinity disconnect and imbalance been healing further.
There is a sense that all healing is sacred, to be honored and equally important, no matter where we are on the journey.
The depth of our wounds can be the extend of our compassion and empathy for others and ultimately our gift to the world.
In a curious way we are broken and incomplete as a separate individual but are perfect in our wholeness. Moving what is separate into wholeness can be seen as the path. And yet we’re already whole, so it can also be seen as recognizing our wholeness in our totality.
Agreed – developing a healthy relationship with our emotional life is in itself healing. It allows the sacred to flower.
And yes, our difficulties give us the skills and desire to support apparent others.
Thanks for sharing.
Everything ultimately wants to come Home <3
Agreed Ishtar. 🙂