When we don’t know who we are, it’s natural to chase things outside of ourselves. The senses tell us satisfaction comes from the world around us so we follow the senses and chase experiences. But nothing they bring us ever lasts.
Real satisfaction comes from stepping into the qualities of our deeper nature. We can have tastes of eternal qualities like love, peace, and happiness, but until we awaken there isn’t the stable platform for them to become ongoing. When their presence becomes ongoing, it addresses deep unmet needs, even those we may not be conscious of. This helps heal old wounds. Further development may change our relationship with these qualities but it doesn’t take them away.
Even before this, the untangling of egoic needs causes many desires to fall away. If they were not driven by our nature, they don’t last. It’s surprising what is driven by stories and expectations about who we are rather than what is here. And yet when we open to what is here, the possibilities that open exceed our imagination.
Understand that desires are fine. In some spiritual circles, desires are demonized. But this comes out of renunciate teachings. It is natural to desire – it is what drives action and gets things done. But there are much more effective ways of fulfillment than chasing appearances.
As we become more conscious, we realize what is driving our action, what is behind our desires. Sometimes, it can be an unmet need from our childhood. Or an acting out to prove something. Anything unmet will cause a desire to meet it. Hungry? We desire food. Lonely? We desire friendship.
When we have unconscious unmet needs, it not only creates the experience of not enough but it allows us to be manipulated. For example, advertising may appeal to common urges. There can be a distorted sense of entitlement too.
Events can also be designed to trigger desires so they’re made conscious and we can have a learning experience. Hopefully we find resolution.
If we have a strong desire we’ve been working towards but it’s not happening, it’s useful to feel into it. What is motivating this desire?
Does it feel good, healthy, or is there some shadow or contraction associated with it? Is the contraction a driver or a conflict with the driver? Sometimes there can be competing drivers in conflict and sometimes it’s old resistance in play.
Being supported may mean blocking us from getting what we think we want. Perhaps there’s something to resolve rather than act out.
Maybe we need to reorient ourselves with the goal. A common goal, for example, is finding a good partner. But is the motivation to fill a personal void or lack? Is our self-worth tied to having a partner? Are we actually ambivalent, broadcasting mixed feelings? Do we have available resources to offer a partner?
When we want something from others, it’s useful to consider what we’re offering in return. What are we offering a relationship, for example? Can we meet the standards we’re setting for another?
Sometimes, the desire is for something suitable but it’s not the right time. Nature always works in the context of the whole. What’s right for you is right for everything. This unfolds in vast, interconnected, and nested cycles of time; days, seasons, years, ages… (an interesting update on Yugas)
Sometimes, we’re just a little off. There’s something we need to clean up or upgrade. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi used to speak about increasing our deserving power through transcendence. By contributing to the whole, the whole supports us.
As we become more in sync with our deeper nature and the world, our desires follow and we get much greater support for them.
Instead of being driven by what is unresolved, we come to express our inner nature more directly. As our inner nature is always in sync, the desire and the time and the sync all come together and things happen. The slightest intention and life unfolds to meet us fully.
However, this should not be a goal in itself. We don’t come into sync through personal effort. This comes about through coming to know who we are and then stepping into the flow of life. There will be a few old habits to wind down too. Then the process becomes automatic.
Not that enlightened life is all perfect and smooth. Karma (sprouted seeds) continue to unfold. But if we’re not attached to results, we’ve stepped off the wheel of karma. Life is so much smoother. And yet still our nice routine may be usurped by cycles of growth or cycles of life reaching a change point.
Suddenly, our reality is different within. Or things shift in the world. But again, how we are with change makes all the difference.
When we want what life wants, it’s a joy!