Two of my teachers I’m studying with at The Centre For Healing did a class on trauma-informed parenting. (They talk for about an hour.)
The 5 key steps:
1) Understanding trauma, emotional imprints, and the stress response.
2) Creating a space of safety, attunement, & authenticity.
3) Recognizing when I’m projecting trauma.
4) Working through self-blame and parental guilt.
5) Implementing a trauma-informed blueprint.
Of course, this is an overview. And it’s not light work. We’ve all developed adaptations in how we responded to our early family life. Often, we carry these forward into adult life until they become more conscious. Sometimes, our less healthy adaptations don’t become conscious until they’re triggered or mirrored by our children. Doh!
And we remain human. Better is good. Perfect is unattainable.
The content in this talk could easily be an entire course.
Davidya
It’s also worth noting that we can pass our unresolved trauma down to our kids energetically. Our ancestors’ trauma, as well. But if we can heal that, it can heal collectively, through the family line.
As a parent of three children, and a grand-parent of four, two things seem to be clear. One is that when you become a parent, you become what your parents were….unless. Two is that it is now understood that stress can be passed down genetically via the epi-genomic mechanism,,,unless.
What does unless mean here? The only practical mechanism for gaining freedom from the parenting traps, both genomic and emotionally imprinted is through effortless meditation, as David has so frequently reminded us and demonstrated in his writing.
Hi Anthony
Yes, to a degree. We pattern after our parents and so a lot of subconscious programming is activated by the role. Plus instinctual knowing. Which is a good thing – we have a sense of parentling right off, even though we may not personally recognize it yet. But we’re still our flavour of the family. Some things fade and new things are added. Corporal punishment fades, Dr Spock is added.
And yes, our traumas can be passed on biologically and energetically. Those are the bits we can clear.
I wouldn’t go as far as to say “the only way”, but it’s certainly an excellent way. I’d also add some healing work is valuable as some patterns are retrenched in activity, making them harder to clear without a little conscious intervention.
This is a related article, pointing out that childhood/ developmental trauma isn’t just about what happened but what didn’t happen, what needs were unmet, etc.
https://www.thecentreforhealing.com/blog/childhood-trauma-what-didn-t-happen
This isn’t a call to be a perfect parent, just to be a conscious parent.