When we have a healthy sense of self-confidence, we’re motivated to take care of ourselves and work towards our goals. However, we can also be motivated to similar things by a desire to prove we’re lovable, that we have value.
In the latter case, we don’t fundamentally believe it so we’re looking for it outside of ourselves. Yet love doesn’t come from outside of us so we’re bound to be disappointed. We can’t prove love with success or relationships because we’re bringing something to the table those things can’t meet. This leads to pain and suffering.
For example, if we get into a relationship to prove we’re lovable or good enough, our partner is bound to crush that. They don’t intend this but because we expect them to fulfill our needs, they’ll fail. They may well meet our needs for a time. But we all change.
Worse still, we’re usually unconscious of our actual needs, as is our partner. We just know at first that it’s “working” for us and then, not so much. We blame them and they blame us. (see Love languages, for example)
We don’t need to prove lovability.
Fundamentally, all life flows from love itself. We are love, we come from love, and are deeply loved. Thus, we are inherently lovable, whatever our history and circumstance.
Sadly the outside world doesn’t reflect this much because most are disconnected from love within. In fact, the heart is crusted over in defense because our light wasn’t enough to protect us from pain.
Our early childhood experiences can block self-acceptance. But those dynamics can go back into past lives or ancestral patterns you see in your family. We’re just the latest embodiment of shared historical pain.
You may well consider my comments flowery words with no real meaning. But if we breathe, love is there, under our resistance.
The love I’m speaking of is big-L Love, universal love. Personal love is a pale reflection of that, often entangled with our needs.