While I would certainly not call myself a dating expert, I thought it would be useful to consider how it changes with dating consciously and awakening.
A lot of what we call “chemistry” is emotional reactivity. What some might call similar emotional vibes and matched neediness. While that might sound coarse, when there is an ego at play, it wants to be right. Thus it seeks someone who will play the story. The Play enters a scene where we can enhance our dramas and turn up the emotions. Relationship is a vehicle for illusion.
But what happens when the ego crumbles away? When there isn’t a point of reactivity? It changes the dating dynamic quite a bit. We may find that there is simply no chemistry with anyone. At least, not in the old sense of it.
As the heart opens and the inner beauty becomes more visible, all members of the opposite sex can seem astonishingly beautiful. That may not longer offer a cue for a relationship.
We may still meet people from our distant past that will bring deep attraction. That’s fine – karma does not mean bad, just activity. It may need to play out but don’t confuse them with the apparent person you once knew. You will still need to meet them as they are now. And you will find they will mirror what remains conditioned and is resisting being seen in you.
Thus, a relationship can be a powerful means of clearing. One of the most potent techniques on the path.
Recently I wrote about Divine Relationship and spoke of some new parameters for seeking a mate.
A key one is what I call resonance. Rather than emotional reactivity, there is an amplification of soul. Spending time together is like a spiritual practice.
There is a deep sense of respect for them that allows a profound acceptance. Perhaps not on the first date though. (laughs)
This kind of connection results in the experience of love flowing through you to them. The relationship itself becomes a vehicle for divinity, a synergistic expression that is greater than what each person reflects individually.
This can give you an idea of how a conscious relationship can change from what you’ve previously experienced. It also demonstrates the potential for Divine Relationship. For a profound expression of being. And for some challenging work to be done.
Awake or not, simple mindfulness of how you are responding can illuminate what is underway. You may discover you are actually still ambivalent about relationship if you have unresolved prior trash. Perhaps that you are motivated to relationship out of fear or how you think others see you or a missing internal connection. You may discover a bag of conditions you are placing on love. Or a bunch of negative expectations that are drawing “the wrong sort”. Same old, same old.
It may not be possible to avoid karmic entanglements, but you may be able to avoid illusory infatuation and disappointment. Find a mate who will enhance our journey rather than detract from it. Of course, all of us have our blind spots – a sure sign of where there is work to be done. But that seeing is what takes us forward, out of our conditioning. And if a relationship is a vehicle for that, hail the lesson bringer.
It’s a beautiful thing, though not always easy.