In Visions into Dust, I touched on the cycle of growth again: balance, disintegration, growth, integration, and repeat. From recent remarks here and offline, it sounds like it would be useful to touch on what is meant by the terms.
Many people have the idea that awakening is something sudden and complete. While this is true in certain ways and circumstances, for most people it is a process like all other forms of human development.
Let’s use the example of Self-realization or cosmic consciousness. This is the shift from an ego perspective where we are a person who has some experiences of transcendence into a perspective of an independent observer, witnessing a person. In other words, we shift from a person experiencing Self to Self experiencing a person.
The actual awakening or shift takes just an instant, one moment of deep surrender to what is. We “pop.” (laughs) The illusion of being a separate me ends.
But this is not the whole story of awakening. Not in the slightest. It’s like being born is to adulthood.
Balance
As the pattern illustrates, we start from a point of balance or homeostasis. We’re settled into a perspective on life that’s working for us. Typically, what I would call Special, where the individual is the dominant perspective. Ego has reached it’s zenith.
Disintegration
And then along comes the seeker. Something inside stirs and we experience a restlessness, a desire for more and deeper. Perhaps we have some powerful experiences or openings. We begin a process of self examination and review and will typically take on some sort of spiritual teaching or journey. We find something that connects us to deeper aspects of ourselves. We do the work, clearing our resistance and stories and letting go of the perspective that used to be dominant. Dissolving the ego.
Growth
This clearing progresses and we begin to have increasing expansion, a wider understanding, deeper feelings, greater peace, and so forth. At some point, we let go deeply enough and the pin that held it together slips and we awaken. This is not to say we awaken due to our efforts but rather, the time comes where Self wishes to experience more directly. Grace descends. Self awakens to Itself. (Self it turns out was organizing it all in the first place.)
Integration
But this does not mean the cycle is complete. No goal has been reached. Just another milestone on the journey. That inner shift in perspective must now be stabilized and integrated with the rest of the experience. Stuff left over from the disintegration and growth stages will continue to be processed. As Adyashanti observes, mind may try to come back into control. And there is usually a great deal more deepening of the perspective.
Often, Self realization begins with a sense of freedom or release. Liberation! As it stabilizes, an enduring peace dawns. And finally, a deep inner bliss unfolds that is permanent. You are always more happy than you ever thought possible before. This is Sat Chit Ananda or absolute bliss consciousness. The fully integrated awakening.
Of course, it’s rarely all that tidy. How much is left over to clear after awakening varies widely. While we’re busy tidying up, the stages of God Realization and Unity have begun to unfold with their own disintegrations.
Each stage brings with it a major change in perspective along with other smaller shifts. For example, in the Unity shift, it can unfold in discrete steps. The release of the inner grip of fear. The loss of separation from inside and outside – All becomes one. Then the sense of identity ends leaving the person with no name. ‘Me’ or ‘I’ have become meaningless concepts. And then we awaken from the dream of God, the illusion of everything ends, dissolving into Oneness.
This is a profound and astonishingly beautiful process but entails a whole series of major changes in any sort of conceptual framework you may use in being in the world that seems to have ceased. Soon, the experience comes more and more together and the true inclusiveness of unity dawns. This is another integration.
As it is the end of all illusion, it is the dawning of the true nature of reality. And we haven’t even touched on all the stuff between realizations.
It’s also worth noting how totally natural and normal this is. While profound, it is not unlike shifts we experienced when we were younger – becoming a teenager or adult. Only this time without so much drama. (laughs)
Davidya
Hey
Thanks for this post. In many ways, just what I needed .
I was wondering if you could write something similar on all the stages as you did for Self Realization. It would be very interesting. Just as this helped me re-confirm where I was, if you write about the other stages and their cycle that would be hugely helpful also.
🙂
Hi Uzma
You’re welcome.
hmm – awhile back I conjectured on laying out every single stage and step. But it would be a massive project and quite non-linear. It would not surprise me if someone in the deep past has already done this.
The challenges are many though. People experience the process differently, not noticing one thing and seeing another as huge. Awakening also doesn’t follow rules, as I blogged about in mid-July. Things happen out of sequence, organically. Especially the heart stuff. Perspective, speed and path also effect how it is perceived. And it would be an omnibus conceptual model that would never match expectations.
One perspective is the idea of Self moving forward and absorbing the head, heart, gut, base, and world. When the bliss of waking is full and Self wakes the divine heart, the process is less defined and more dependent on what’s developed prior to waking.
For example, some may have decades of subtle perception long before the divine awakens. Others not but have the awakening process dominated the by heart. etc etc.
You may find some of the past writing useful. Under the Key Posts link on the right, check some of the links towards the bottom. I’ve outlined it in various ways over time.
I’ve also summarized it in book form but it was too massive and dense. I now plan to rewrite in smaller blocks.
Davidya,
Thanks. If it is in book form, then why don’t you just write a book. E-book or paperback books. Am feeling this may be a good idea. What say?
Hi Uzma
What I mean is that I did write a book. Spent 6 months full time on it a couple of years ago. Publishing is a little more than just writing though. When it was done, it became clear it was too large and dense. As the idea is to help people on the path, a conceptually dense work is not ideal. (laughs)
The idea now is to break the components up and expand them out more, add more examples. Am thinking of spending a hunk of time this fall and see how that works.
WOW. All the best with that. Sounds great and it will be very helpful to a lot of people. You should then compile it as a e-book. For beginners, like me, reading them on a blog can get confusing , because one would like some sense of chronology.(like a chapters or contents page )Like a sequence. In a book, which has chapters, that become easier. You don’t get lost.
Hehehe but then you’re gonna say the process is non-linear in anycase 🙂
Thanks, Uzma
Yes, I may do ebooks.
I appreciate the issue with blogs. That’s become increasingly the case as the discourse has gotten broader and deeper. I’ve linked back to prior summary posts quite a bit but they’ve been posted as they come up rather than in any sort sequence. And sometimes the key material is an aside in a post on another topic.
Key Posts helps a bit but they’re all still written out of context of each other.
I originally started this blog to “test the waters” and see if there was interest in the content. Also as a way of “coming out” as I’d been quite private about most of this for years.
Yeah – the process is nonlinear but we still try to organize it linearly with the mind. Easier if there’s a linear framework.
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