Over on Albert’s blog, Urban Monk, he wrote of how we secretly want to suffer. In a discussion in comments something came out I thought was interesting.
If we understand that the ego-identity structure is essentially a grip or form of resistance to what is, we discover another nuance to how resistance is layered. Why there seems to be an onion to peel.
Much of suffering arises from resistance to experiencing how we feel. How we are. We resist the emotions and they thus don’t complete and hang around. Over time we build up a big lopsided bag of feelings we carry around on our back and our heart, weighing us down.
Because the ego also produces emotions we resist, (mostly fear) we end up resisting the resistance. Some of our suffering is resisting resistance. No wonder it soaks up so much energy!
Curiously though, when we first see it, we may say “I am stuck in anger”. But because experiencing the anger will release it, we’re actually stuck in a resistance to the anger. We’re tasting the anger but pushing against it. As soon we allow the experience, it will briefly come up more fully, then wash away, ended. The energy is released.
Ego is like this only more so. We think we’re experiencing how we feel, but mostly we can be experiencing how we resist what we feel. What it feels like to fight anger and pain.
It’s a fools game. When we stop playing it and begin to clear some of it, this gets very obvious. Under all the resisting of resisting is what we wanted and were missing the whole time. Peace, happiness, and love. They were right here the whole time.