Those of you who read this blog regularly may have noticed a big drop in new posts.
In the process of growth there are 2 sides to the cycle. The dissolution of the old and the integration of the new. When people talk of expansion of awareness, deepening silence, increased clarity, and awakenings, they are speaking of the integration step. This occurs after sufficient clearing has taken place. The release of knots, the seeing through of old stories and beliefs, and the ending of resistance are all forms of clearing, of dissolution of the old.
Much talk about growth of awareness focuses on key turning points such as first awakening and the loss of ego or the later end of identity. When the core drops out of old beliefs, often there are still bits and pieces left over that were built on those cores. Over time, these come up, are seen through and discarded. Allowed and released.
In my own journey, both of my parents were educators and great value was placed on being knowledgeable. Indeed, knowing was the key to being acknowledged. In my youth, I rebelled against this, doing badly at what my family valued and exploring things they knew nothing about. I became an expert in several fields. This was a core piece of “who I am”. How the me saw itself. As the blog reveals, the drive to know was deep and carried forward well into my spiritual development. Knowledge dominated even my deepest experiences.
And now, that drive to know and be knowledgeable seems to have fallen away. A deep inner grasping ended. As it turns out, this was also what drove my writing. And several other aspects of the life. Corollary aspects of the story and beliefs are also falling away.
I expect to continue to write. But I have no idea what form this will take. The person that is this vehicle of expression has changed deeply.
The falling away of old beliefs is not new to me. It is an integral part of the journey. As I have noted elsewhere, each time I thought I had reached some pinnacle, the view expanded and more was seen. With a major shift, you are left back in kindergarten again. It is what makes the journey so much fun – reality keeps changing.
This one was a key driver of my expression though so it will change some of the more obvious things. Self continues to move forward and absorb everything. And that’s a very fine thing.