The Grief of Loneliness

Burning Man '06

CC photo at Burning Man ’06 by herby fr

When we identify with the content of experience and see ourselves as individuals, we lose touch with the bigger picture of who we are. This affects our entire world-view and sense of self. Infinite I Am is constrained to a me: a me that is separate from others, can be hurt by others, and depends on others for our sense of self.

As we’re rooted in wholeness and love, we long for a return to that connection and feel its absence as loss, grief, and loneliness. This isn’t a happy place, so we’ll chase external connection to restore inner connection, often not realizing what we’re looking for.

We can feel lonely when surrounded by people, in a committed relationship, and so forth because we’re missing the inner part. And yet we’re never alone – we’re surrounded by life and immersed in divine love. Loneliness is entirely perception.

Sometimes, people fear loneliness and chase relationships, stay in bad ones, hang out in dodgy places, and so forth. If we have an aversion to intimacy as well, we may favour impersonal places like malls or “casual” connections. Internal conflicts around relationship are common.

When not addressed, loneliness builds up as an unresolved emotion. As we’re not really separate, our buildup of loneliness increases it in the whole. Our own healing mechanisms and the buildup makes us inclined to experience it more. And it makes it easier for others to experience the same.

I’ve noticed there is currently an overflow of loneliness taking place in the collective (hence this article), nature bringing it forward for resolution. The tide is changing.

This is ironic though. As we build more peace and happiness, it will bring more of what is unresolved to the surface in the collective. Especially in those not ready to experience peace. What is in the way will come forward for resolution instead. Emotions are contagious but it varies how they show up in others.

We’re well into a time where it’s better to be cleaning house and preparing the ground or the ride will not be fun. The light is rising.

Yet spiritual experiences will not resolve all loneliness. We are humans and thus need a balance of inner connection and human connection, with a variety on the human front. Expecting your intimate partner or God to meet all your needs is a recipe for disappointment, another type of loss.

Connection isn’t something to wait for. We have to put ourselves out there (speaking as an introvert) to make friendships and connection. They’re like a garden to be watered. And again, not all your eggs in one basket. Variety and balance.

If we experience loneliness arising, allow it to be there. It’s there to be experienced and thus resolved. It may come with a sense of loss and grief. If we can, caress it in love. Loneliness just wants to be held.

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5 Responses to The Grief of Loneliness

  1. K says:

    This is nice. “As we build more peace and happiness, it will bring more of what is unresolved to the surface in the collective. ” I think this applies to the individual as well – as we increase our capacity or spaciousness – things come up to get resolved – things we could not have held in our constricted space before – no? “What is in the way will come forward for resolution instead. ” This is true but then I read a book whose title is “What is in the way – is the way”. I think the two seemingly contradictory things can both be true. Ha ha – a few years ago I would be contorted by the idea of holding two contradictory ideas to be true.. but no more! One thing I would say is that loneliness does not always have to be removed or fixed – sometimes it is quite pleasant – like a body ache after exercising. It is an ache – but it feels good at the same time.

    • Davidya says:

      Hi K
      Yes, it’s true. That was written from a more awake perspective. I have an article coming up in a few days on the collective too. (a backlog finally rolling out)

      (laughs) yeah. Brahman is especially that way. You perceive a world yet know directly that it was never created at the same time. That comes together in ParaBrahman. So there can be a process of accepting and then integrating opposites, then later finding they’re one and the same. 2 sides of one coin.

      And yes, that’s an excellent approach to any emotion that arises. The intention here wasn’t to suggest you fix it but allow it to be there so it can complete. The it doesn’t act as a shadow.

  2. celeste says:

    Wonderful! I haven’t seen much written in spiritual writings about loneliness. The cure all is finding God but yet I still see gurus in relationships that shows me no one is totally isolated. The soul longing for connection is strong.

    • Davidya says:

      Hi Celeste – yes all kinds of connections. Some are satiated with a connection to the divine but householders need the full range.

      I hadn’t recognized loneliness as associated with grief and loss before, but it makes sense. Not sure whats amplifying this in the collective but there are a lot of transits of the moons nodes plus an eclipse series this summer.

  3. Lorey Hobbs says:


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