Emotional Pain

Emotional Pain

Most of us carry unresolved emotional pain, even if we’ve had fairly uneventful lives. Being born into our family’s unresolved pain will do the job. A child is designed to be wide-open and mirror their environment so they can be successful in it. We learn to walk and talk, but also pick up behaviors and energetic patterns. Soon after, our own past unresolved baggage comes on-line too.

As small children, the pain of adults and our own past can seem like an incomprehensible monster. We don’t have the skills or awareness to process it yet. Although unspoken, it roars away in the background. So we also learn redirection, distraction, suppression, acting out, and other workarounds to mute or avoid pain. Yet such techniques don’t work well and also mute happiness and peace. Many people have almost no awareness of how they feel. Not to mention the toll this takes on our energy and health over time.

But the monster usually isn’t so bad once we grow up. Not pleasant perhaps but once we learn a few techniques for processing our unresolved emotional (energetic) load, we can gradually face the “pain body” and siphon off the charges.

This is much easier if we’re connected to source within, so the first step should be something like a good effortless meditation. With a platform of pure being, even the greatest of charges is just some surface noise from our past.

I’ve written various article on healing over the years. You can browse some on Key Posts or browse the Health category from the sidebar.

Culturing gratitude can be key to help shift the mood up. Make our “tone” a little more conscious. Then it’s much easier to accept and release.

Yet this is not about control. It’s about letting things be as they are. As we learn to allow, the emotional charge can wash over us in a moment. As it has now been seen, it is resolved. We’re left with a neutral memory rather than a trigger button.

Not that we shouldn’t act to change things for the better. I’m describing unraveling the resistance to flow. Meeting resistance requires letting go. Accomplishing in the world requires doing. We could say our past is about letting go while our present is about diving in. This is how we wind down suffering.

The depth of samadhi in meditation will roast the seeds of our unresolved past, leaving us with just the baggage we brought into this life, plus a family carry-on. Healing that gives us the opportunity to leave behind our suffering and step into the light.

Samadhi will also resolve much of the stuff that comes up in daily life. But there will be some bigger ones that life continues to reinforce. Those are the ones that need more personal attention.

Some of the big ones will be multi-layered, like aversion on top of anger on top of fear. But once the core is resolved, the energy that was required to sustain it is released, the pain is gone, the weight lifted, and the relief palpable.

We don’t leave baggage behind by denial or ignoring. It will continue to follow us around like a devoted pet. We leave it behind when we allow it to complete. This isn’t about white-washing over it with a positive attitude. It’s draining the swamp. It can take some courage to face our little monsters. But once we get the hang of it, we can make amazing progress as we peel the onion.

It will take time. And sometimes it can seem endless. But the quality of life upgrades that come with each major clearing make it worthwhile. It will upgrade the clarity of enlightenment when that unfolds too.

Last Updated on November 11, 2017 by Davidya

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  1. LC

    Hi David,

    I was wondering if you could help me – I am getting aware of different patterns that I have, different ways of acting when certain situations occur. For example I get kind of angry when people ask me a question I don’t know the answer to or when I feel like people is trying to control me. I know this is not a nice thing to do, and I really want to change. But even though I know it is currently my “default action”, I find it difficult to change when I’m in the mist of it.

    I am doing TM twice a day, but what can I do to speed up the progress? This habit is hurting the people I love, but I feel so trapped by it when it is happening.

    Is it just about practice of letting go and a high motivation for making it happen, or do you have any other advice for me?

    Thanks! 🙂

    1. Hi LC

      Yes- we all go through such a phase when our previously sub-conscious and automatic reactions begin to become conscious. The only thing thats really changed is our awareness of them.

      It’s simply a process of becoming more conscious. Then the source of the reactivity becomes recognized and can be resolved.

      As the Bhagavad Gita mentions, at first we become aware after the fact, then during, and then at the moment it first arises, before we act. So becoming aware during is good progress.

      The key to understand here is the control dynamic. Ego wants to feel in control. A question we can’t answer can feel like loss of control, as does someone else trying to control. It’s very typical ego behaviour.

      Seeing the behavior can also feel like loss of control (like “feel so trapped”) and the impulse may be there to try to regain control. But this won’t work for resolving this. Instead you allow the impulse to be there and see it as it is. As in Oh – there I am reacting again.

      “high motivation” can also be tricky. Motivation is about doing when this is about undoing, allowing.

      If it’s strong enough, you’ll see yourself acting it out. If you can, you can redirect it or make a different choice. But fighting it will only amplify it and create more conflict.

      This is where the effortlessness you learned in meditation gets applied to daily life. This takes practice and experience as we’re so used to trying to control and keep a lid on this stuff. But now the opportunity is arising to unload it.

      TM is great but sometimes, we can use a little help clearing the big ones to smooth things out more. This is where a good energy healer may be a help. See the Consult tab for links to people I’ve worked with.

      When some of the bigger dynamics of our life arise like that, it can be challenging. But the more challenging stuff has the greatest benefit to resolving.

      Remind yourself this isn’t something new. Just newly conscious. That gives you the opportunity to heal.

      1. LC

        Hi David.

        Thank you for your reply 🙂

        I think you are right, I can see that when I notice I am in the middle of my default action, I try to gain control by forcing or pushing it away, or making it stop. But often, if not always, it makes it a lot worse.

        It often feels like I’m loosing even more control if I don’t do anything to stop the habit/action – but when I look back I can see that it has not worked so far. It have just made it all worse.

        So the way forward is to simply just notice the impulse or habit when it is occurring, and then allow it to be and then just let go?

        And the more practice doing this, just allowing and not controlling, will I then be more able to not react on my patterns and impulses, but to see the situation clearly and do what is right?

        Oh yes, I would really like a session with Kristin Kirk! 🙂 I hope I can join her next series session.


        1. Hi LC

          Yes – a big part of this is simple awareness and acceptance. Allowing it do be as it is. Then there is that potential to resolve some of the driver and reduce recurrence.

          But this also doesn’t mean we drop responsibility for our actions. It means we’re taking a step back to become more conscious of the dynamics. That doesn’t work if we’re trying to control.

          If you notice anger is building, for example, you can allow it to diffuse instead. Not trying to control it via suppression but giving it a healthier outlet, etc. Perhaps asking for a time out. This does take practice.

          Just allowing and not controlling makes the process conscious. Then you’ll begin to be able to resolve reactivity so the impulses stop arising. As the noise settles, you’ll see things more clearly and then do what is best.

          Just be patient with yourself. It takes time to develop new ways of being and ways of handling what arises. And we’ve been at it for awhile, so it takes time to resolve.

          But in time, the reactivity will ease, peace and then happiness will become more common, and quality of life will gradually rise.

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