Just read an interesting article on Relationship. The author observed how any relationship, but particularily an intimate one, can bring our unresolved issues or illusions to the surface. If we avoid close interactions, we are able to sustain our illusions and story and blame others for the issues in our life. It is the blame game.
This is an interesting issue to consider if ever you are faced with someone who makes you uncomfortable or causes you to react in ways out of proportion to the circumstances. Now certainly, there are some people who one should avoid. But largely, it is we who are reacting and can choose how to respond. How do we feel? And why do we feel this? So often, we ignore these obvious clues to our blockages, our traps. And all we have to do is see them fully, once.
We have a tendency to take everything personally. To think the worst of a comment, seeing everything as a judgment when it may have been nothing of the sort. I was surprised to catch myself doing that this weekend. A neighbor was urging her husband to “talk to him” when they went by my moving truck. It turned out the stress in the woman’s voice was directed at her husband, not me. They wanted to get their son to help me. (he was a great help)
The author observed how people will avoid contact to avoid facing their ‘demons’ but then face loneliness and longing for contact. As the Beatles once sang, all the lonely people, where do they all come from… If you’ve dated anyone in their middle years, you can often see this conflict at play. The desire for contact confronting the fear of what Gangaji calls ‘being seen’.
Curiously, we see isolation as a suggested spiritual practice as its much easier to support illusions of peace and unity if there is nothing to challenge them. But a relationship with someone on a deep spiritual path leaves little room for head or heart games. The illusion is drawn out or mirrored directly back.
How we respond is a good gauge of our inner work. Those challenges can be a great revealing and self-recognition if we are willing.
Thus, intimate relationship is one of the most effective of spiritual paths. As someone once observed to me, most of the ancient spiritual texts of India were written by householders, not monks. It is the heart that is the bridge to Unity.
This is not to say some time alone is unhealthy. Indeed, a period of inner directedness such as I am about to embark on can be very healthy. But like a fast, it is good for a rest and revitalization. A full life is about expression. And what better way to express than through a mutual expression of the One.
Note – the author is Eva Pierrakos but her work is difficult to link to online.