In a recent discussion of the way trauma and identity arise, I saw a more complete way to discuss the topics. There are four interrelated processes.
Part 1: Somatic Principles and Processes
We all have experiences we’re unable to process in the moment. Either the size of the experience or how it affects us leads to overwhelm. We can’t process it. We go into a trauma response. Being born can be one. Common childhood experiences like an unavailable caregiver, illness, social shaming, or bullying are others. How many of us were left alone to cry when it was nap time, for example? Often, we didn’t stop crying because we were done; we stopped because we went into shutdown.
The body responds to this overwhelm as an unsafe experience and goes into resistance or gripping. Rather than let it threaten our well-being, the unresolved experience gets laid into the body as an energetic contraction (hence “somatic”). This is a ball of suppressed energy. This can be called a wound or a samskara or impression.
There is typically an emotional response to the experience as well. Perhaps we experienced being left alone as abandonment and fear, for example. This becomes the “charge” or reactivity remaining, stored with the contraction. Often it is laid over the somatic energy to help hide it. This reactivity is also called a vasana. (We automatically reject some “unsafe” emotions, like fear or anger, adding to the complexity.)
The identified mind also likes to feel in control, so it creates a narrative about the experience. This may include explanation, blame, and deflecting. This also ties into the contraction.
Because the three aspects all feel unsafe, the mind and emotions work to keep this experience (contraction) hidden from our conscious awareness. This suppression can take the form of orphaned “parts” that are rejected. They become our shadows and wounds. Yet, the body seeks to heal what is unresolved, so it will rise in experience, anyway. The mind then becomes good at automatic suppression and obfuscation.
This is known as somatic therapy, shadow work, and so forth. It is straightforward once we know the mechanics and are willing to look. But this has to include the body, or the core isn’t being resolved. Talk therapy (conceptual) and emotional work are valuable, but unless we expose the core, the healing is incomplete.
It’s helpful to build capacity and self-regulation, though we may find sessions with somatic practitioners useful to get the hang of it.
Curiously, many people are oblivious to their suppression as it’s so habitual. And yet we experience the results in daily life with reactivity, chronic health issues, addiction, mental and emotional noise, and so forth. With a little education, we can recognize triggers and patterns and follow the trail to healing.
Part 2: The Identity
Our early childhood is coming down and into our new life. Before age 2, we’re like an energetic sponge, soaking up experiences and learning how to be in the current world. We experience ourselves somatically (physically) and as one with our mother. Baby reactivity is somatic – hunger, discomfort, fatigue. Normal life events fracture this experience, like being left alone to sleep. We begin to separate from mother. Some of our early precognitive trauma is purely somatic, without emotional charge. Some may call these core wounds, as they’re early and deep. They can have a large impact on our sense of self and safety.
Around age 2, the emotional body comes more online, along with a possessive sense of self (asmita). My body, my toy, my mother. This comes with a rich range of confusing new emotions and pretty easy overwhelm.
After about age 4, the cognitive self gradually comes online. We make stories about who we are, often based on external feedback. People tell us we’re cute, loud, annoying, or whatever. The intellect more clearly distinguishes self from other, and we develop a growing I-sense (ahamkara).
Most children lose sight of their deeper nature through this process. Trauma clouds our inner awareness. We confuse the roles we play with who we are. We develop self-narratives. For example, I am a boy in grade 3 named Chad. I am good at jumping and running, but not arithmetic. These passing details become identity. Both our experiences and the feedback we get from others – positive and negative – can compromise our authentic nature.
Overall, the complexity of the trauma laid in depends on our development when it happened. The older we are, the more layers have come online and the more interaction there is with other inlays. And then there are layers of re-suppression that are added over time. Often, a surprising amount of our identity is trauma adaptations rather than natural expressions of who we are.
When we heal that trauma, our true nature shines through, and our gifts. Nature can much more fully support us when we live authentically.
Part 3: Escape, Awakening
Early on, we came down and into our new life. But along the way, we laid in some trauma and stories that obscured who we are. As a result, it’s challenging to live in harmony with life, to find support for our desires, and to realize fulfilment.
As we mature, we seek ways out of this experience. We’re looking for who we really are. But because that is obscured, we look outside ourselves or we try to repress our experience further. Many become detached from their body and emotions.
Note that in our souls’ past, we’ve all experienced a time of peace, love, and joy. The felt sense can still haunt us, even if forgotten. Something important feels missing or lost.
We may pursue escape through work, shopping, food, drugs, alcohol, extreme sports… the options are endless. But at some point, the escape route fails us. We can end up looping through modes of escape.
With a little luck, we discover a descent spiritual path and head up and out. We transcend. We learn healthy ways to escape into peace and our deeper nature. This can be deeply healing.
Through this process, we disentangle our sense of self from the stages of development in Part 2. We still have a person, but identifying with that falls away. We no longer experience it as who we are. It becomes a function.
This process also heals some of the trauma from Part 1.
Part 4: The Return, Embodiment
What began as an escape in Part 3, returns as a coming home. A return to our true nature.
The awakening process itself can become an escape from life. Especially if you’re following a more renunciate teaching.
We came down and in during childhood development, then up and out in a spiritual process. Now it’s time to come back down and in to fully embody the awakening in the life.
If the spiritual process has not included somatic work (Part 1), it will be called forward here. Bringing Divinity down into shadow can stir up our calm state. This could feel like a backward step, and you may resist it. But it’s necessary work if we want to fully live the potential of what has unfolded.
Davidya