Periodically, I’ve written here on subjects like conscious relationship and the difference between ego-relating and heart-relating. I’ve also talked about how relationships can show up as a way to work out our energetic resistance, mirroring what we project. Further, I’ve talked about the highest duality, the fundamental masculine-feminine dynamic, the seer and seen, Shiva & Shakti, consciousness and creation.
Recently, I had a new subscriber to my Twitter feed with the handle Naked with Adele. This is a reference to a new book called Can You See My Naked by South African Adele Green.
Her feed has quotes like “Spirit is infused into existence as matter feels itself to be observed and known” and “Relating to each other is awareness experiencing itself.” A related blog post asks: To ask a man to see you naked takes courage, but are the men we ask ready? The reference is not just to physical nakedness but emotional, mental and spiritual.
It’s an interesting article on relationship, but also on the fundamental intimacy of pure being. From the introduction of her book she quotes “Awareness is the ultimate masculine, and matter the ultimate feminine abstract. As they unite for the first time, the first moment of intimacy occurs. Magically, spirit is infused into existence as matter feels itself to be observed and known, and with this reaction the world is complete.”
This describes not just intimate relationship but this highly abstract level of pure being. Plus, the wholeness of Unity when this happens on the broader cosmic scale.
Of course, by masculine and feminine, we’re talking about energy here not just gender. All of us have both energies in various degrees on a spectrum. When framed like the above, it also illustrates the larger arc of spiritual awakening. Not just waking up to who we are within, but bringing that out into the world and integrating the two together.
Adele touches on boundaries in a relationship – it’s worth noting these arise in 2 forms. There is the boundaries where we have resistance, broadly what she calls the shadow. This is where identification has bound us and overshadows who we are. This is what we have to heal and where our partner can mirror and support the process.
And there is the boundaries that define who we are specifically in form and our relationship with the world. What we might call our structure. This is those aspects that don’t fall away when we unravel the bindings of the shadow. The ones we need to express through.
All these boundaries have to be respected by a partner – to support healing and to help accept. If not, then are you ready for her to show herself?
I’ve not read her book but Adele certainly seems to frame relationship from the fundamentals of being. That is rare in any book on any subject.
Davidya
Last Updated on April 26, 2018 by
Dear Davidya,
Thank you for the reference on my book and associating certain concepts with known spiritual terms. When I wrote my book it was a ‘heart’ production and feelings needed to find words. But I am an eclectic and it was all about finding concepts that holds the frequency of what I wanted to convey. I love how you dot the i’s for your reader. Mostly I want to share that I found within myself a struggle (two voices) and it was only later in my life that I realised my relationship was only the external echo of my inner masculine and feminine energy. The only time in life when it becomes necessary to understand fundamentals is when we have to take ‘it’ apart to ‘put’ it back together again. Let’s hope ‘it’ breathes then.
Hi Adele
This is an excellent and insightful observation. There are some who consider a few of the historical classics to be allegories for this process.
Most people spend their lives blaming others for their problems. But recognizing our outer life is a playing out of our inner life is a big milestone. We can begin to work with those energies directly. And further we can begin to resolve them energetically without having to act them out in our lives.
I would frame it more we break down the boundaries that have limited us, our shadow. And then we learn to live from this newer, freer place. We can really breathe. But that can take time and integration. So many habits and momentum to the old way of being. So be patient with yourself.
You may enjoy a recent related article on this where I touch on a little of this process. (in the context of some traditional Indian terms)
https://davidya.ca/2014/02/25/karma-and-the-gunas/
Thanks for the comment.
Thank you both for very rich and deep comments. I’d like to add that I’ve found it beneficial to think about human development mainly in terms of realization of totality rather than either or. For example, rather than think that our love is ego based rather than heart based, we can see that we love from 75% realization of totality. Or maybe we only love from 30% realization of totality. I don’t think the percentage really matters much. I think what matters is being committed to loving from 100% realization of totality. And acting from that commitment.
From the other angle of human development, when we think about blame for example, we can be committed to blaming others, and even ourselves a little less every day. Rather than think in terms of either or, we blame others or we don’t, we can see that blaming exists on a continuum and be committed to moving towards the 0% end of that continuum.
Plus I think people are less inclined to be blaming when they’re not labeled in an either or way (-:
Thanks for the comment, Share. Yes, the goal is wholeness or totality. But often there is some balancing of dualities needed before we can tackle oneness. We have to address the experience we’re having. Once we’re able to get a sense of the larger context, then we can reframe it as you describe, favouring the higher.
But I agree, dualities are the ground of judgment. Moving out of dualities and into progress towards wholeness is a much better approach.
Thanks again for sharing.
BTW – this resolving of dualities takes place in layers. Even on the cosmic level, there is a process of uniting in Unity. Developing Brahman can be said to be the final transcendence of dualities.
Hence we have the stories of Shiva and Shakti, for example. The topic here is also relationship which is inherently dual until all is the Self. But even there, creation is born of polarity within the one, so it’s the essence of the playground. To be in form is to experience polarity.
What changes is our relationship with polarity, when 2 becomes seen as one. The 2 remain but are non-separate.
Thank you for your replies.
Another way to say what I was saying is that I don’t think any human is at 100% or 0% on any scale, whether that scale is measuring one’s realization of complete love or one’s tendency to blame others.
And I agree that we must address the experience we’re having. And I’ve noticed that the language that we use regularly and more importantly, think in, that language can have a powerful effect for benefit or for harm.
So, just to repeat a bit, I’ve found it more beneficial to think in terms of percentages of realization when thinking about any area of human development.
Hi Share
Yes, I’d agree. Human experience is on a spectrum. I can recall the brain physiology grad class where even gender in the brain was actually on a spectrum. Some are physically one gender but wired more towards the other. Few of us sit near the ends of the spectrum.
Same with realizations. Even the point about leisha avidya suggests that simply living in a human body reduces the %. It’s a good point.