“Most questions of “why” or “how” indicate the need to escape from facing the truth of what is happening. Looking at what is, is the fastest way to understand… Thus, trying to figure out “why” or “how’ are ego ways to avoid looking directly. This escape is a ‘natural’ act of the ego which exacerbates the problems.
The most powerful solution to daily conflicts, problems, misunderstandings, and negativity is forgiveness.”
— Burt Harding, The Transforming Power of Forgiveness booklet.
Many people have trouble with forgiveness. Ego avoids it as it negates ego’s need to make wrong. It can invalidate the ego’s need to suffer. As Burt observes, mind cannot understand it as it is not a movement of mind. Forgiveness is of the heart.
Burt suggests that what is forgiven is the unconscious guilt. An inner discomfort with ourselves and the way our life is. I would describe this as the shadow story which may also have related deadening emotions, something that varies by person. But it certainly creates a fundamental discomfort that overshadows our ability to enjoy life.
From whence does this arise? It results from the ego idea of being separate. This in turn begins as a natural consequence of our move to separate from mother in our first few years. The “terrible twos” reflect the process. In many ways, this is what we seek to outgrow. And this is why it is non-verbal and difficult for the mind to grasp. It arose before the mind matured.
Burt suggests the way to forgiveness is in knowing who you really are, what is not ego. To ask yourself who you are, then listen for the answer. If you do not stop and listen, the mind will just regurgitate an “answer”.
As he observes, forgiveness is also called “acceptance, allowing, letting go and surrender.” It is a way to see what is true now and release what is not true, what is being held against what is.
For myself, I found that culturing an inner connection to source helped immensely. Then, culturing gratitude helps break some of the resistance to allow allowing. That allows trusting what is.