Part 3 – Within the Identity
After Unity, the process continues. There’s likely to be further ego shrapnel to see though. And now there is deeper levels becoming conscious. The “gut” Adya refers to can be seen to also be 3 layers. And these 3 correspond well to the lower 3 chakras.
(as an aside, we could also see Mind and Heart as 3 levels – mind in chakras, heart ‘horizontally’)
There’s a few ways to describe this, but it’s key to understand that these are more primal so don’t generate the thought forms or constructs that higher centers do. This means their qualities are much more basic or primal.
Their voices are more a quiet urging or gripping resistance. I describe them as the voices of need, should and must when gripping remains. These forces underlie our lives and we may have been aware of them in the past, but usually from the ego constructs and emotions that resulted.
The need for things to be a certain way, the nagging should’s, and most of all, how those are applied to the sense of me. ‘I’ and It should be a certain way.
3 – Need from a drive to Control
2 – Should from Attachment
1 – Must from Resistance and Grip, Holding
Thus a breakdown of the “gut” is needs, driven by should’s, driven by resistance. A sense of agenda. A subtler dynamic of what the mind manifests more grossly. Their sum is expectation and identity, the basis of suffering. And it’s notable these don’t usually become fully conscious until after awakening.
Like ego shrapnel, we might call these “identity shrapnel”, the bits that remain after roasting the identity. The core falls out, but peripheral stuff remains. I’ve spoken about things like the ‘need to know’ or attachment to the experience being a certain way.
It may be ironic to call our most gross aspects subtle. Other may not experience them this way. But they remain primal. Deep expectations about how we crave it should be. These are not your garden variety expectations. They are not mental concepts or beliefs. They are a need or holding of it being a certain way. A resistance to what is that arose only because what is was not seen.
This is not something that is logical or can be ‘felt’ in the usual sense of the word. It is more like a craving child in a store that cannot be placated.
For example, people age. But many in our culture try to resist that experience. They hold earlier images of themselves, are in denial about weight or health issues, and retain habits of lifestyle that don’t support the desire for how they want it to be. They often even self sabotage. They live like they pretend it is, not like it is. This becomes increasingly out of whack with what is, leading to problems, illness, and so forth. Much of that may be healed by clearing the emotional drivers. But if the grip is deep enough, it will be part of the identity.
Perhaps a person may hold a concept of themselves as “evolved”. They thus repress “unevolved” ideas and emotions and build conflict into their experience of the world. They reinforce resistance and get in the way of their own evolution. And they are immensely annoyed by others making apparent progress. Seeing such a person get angry can be amusing as this causes immediate internal conflict, blame is placed on what is perceived as annoying, and all kinds of justification arises. Spiritual organizations can be full of such dynamics. The stories of some of those on the path are unbelievably convoluted.
Often, this great drama is a simple mask the ego creates so the identity remains unseen. Tossing up whatever avoids taking the lessons to heart. Tries to hide from their spiritual practice, the ego masquerading even as source. But it’s all a story and the more convoluted, the easier it is to collapse once it’s seen. If they are willing.
This also illustrates why relationships can be challenging. When such holding is sub-conscious, the undercurrents are unseen. Areas of life that touch our roots often have difficult aspects in our experience, like money (safety), sex, and food.
I appreciate these are more expressed examples, but the subtle nature of identity is what drives these dynamics. Without a sense of separate identity, the story ends.
As you can’t watch for thoughts or emotions here, you have to instead watch for symptoms like the above. The bits of smoke such as when the sense of tension arises. A sense of resistance to being OK with what is. Other flags are in your experience of the world. Why a person irritates you. ‘Don’t want’ speaks of both resistance and expectation to be other than what is. Words like No, Never, Because, and the Need, Should, and Musts all point to this. The repeaters, stuff that comes up over and over, point to holding. And the mechanics of the wheel of karma.
If you understand that the world is created by consciousness and that your most physical of energy (the lower chakras) can be consumed in resistance and expectation, it becomes clear why so many experience the world the way we do.
It’s also good to mention that because this is writing, it is inherently concepts. The only divisions in life are the ones we arbitrarily assign. It is a completeness with various interwoven qualities that all act in unison. But this is a useful way to help relate to our experiences and satisfy the mind.