Desire and Control

Desire is a natural quality of being human. It is our drive to act and give attention, our most precious resource. However, desire can come to us in a number of ways.

There are basic physical drives like hunger and sex. There are desires born of emotion such as the want of friendship. There are desires born of mind, like to understand an experience. These desires can arise in a number of ways – through our senses, memory, feelings, intuition, and so forth. But broadly, we can say they arise from one of 2 general places:

1) From the Person, our idea that feels separate
2) From the whole, an intention arising within silence, the flow

Knowing the source of an impulse can help us decide which to run with. But don’t let mind make these 2 sources the good and bad. It’s not so simple as that. Many perfectly valid drives come from the person. As the person is never apart from the whole, it is the vehicle of the whole to express. So many of #2 will arise through #1. The noise of the person may mask the deeper source.

As usual, the lesson is not in what arises but our relationship with it.

Follow the feelings. They are the energy, the drivers of the person. Is there a quality of control or holding? Seeing or feeling the holding can take you to its driver so it can be seen through and released. That grip will then be gone.

This degree of noticing may not come without a little practice. It must also be handled gently. This is about seeing, not judging. Observing, not blaming. One cannot try to separate the details. We simply see it or we don’t. The point here is to look. If we do see it, then there is some insight to be gained. If we don’t then perhaps this is one area that needs more looking, more allowing.

You may find a few key questions useful:

> What are the qualities that come with the desire?

In what way is it coloured? The key qualities to watch for revolve around resistance and control. How these express in you is something only you know. They may show up as anger or fear, as conceptual conditions like belief, or even a physical sense of gripping. Is there a sense of craving or must have? Does it have a sense of movement or a sense of pushing against? Is it about stepping forward or holding back? Is there a need to control?

> Are the qualities arising with the desire or as a result of the desire?

In other words, is it the desire or your reaction to the desire that needs to be looked at? Is there a difference between the impulse and your reaction to it? Is there a sense of don’t deserve or push against change? Is there just some need to allow?

> Is there anything that insists it be a certain way?

You desire a mate but are you insisting on how they come? Are you holding a form? How are you holding it – loosely or firmly? It is this element of control that taints our life. It is the attachment to the results, the hardest grip to release. It even damages fulfillment after the goal has shown up and we continue to try to make it/them a certain way. You have no control. That is completely an illusion of the person. But it doesn’t matter. There is nothing that needs to be controlled as you are not alone. When you are what is, what is there to control?

The value of this looking is finding your way into the flow. Stepping past the resistance and holding that keep you from enjoying the gift of your life. The movement of life through you. A movement that is love, that is bliss. The flow will bring us many experiences. It is only how we respond to them that determines if we suffer or enjoy their blessings.

May you find your way to enjoy the journey.
Davidya

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  1. Pingback: No Control « In 2 Deep

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