Over on Layers of Stages, Kris brought up the challenges of overcoming the ego. What Genpo called the ‘path of submission’. That critical stage when we discover the reality of Self and begin to see through the ego. Those deep habits of belief that hold us in a tiny box of fear and separateness.
This can be one of the most challenging stages of the path as the ego is often deeply ingrained and may feel it is fighting for it’s life, throwing up all kinds of noise and objection. It is the ultimate coyote – the trickster.
At the same time, the Self is still seen through some values of illusion so it seems vague, distant, and the benefits may be uncertain.
The points he raised were important enough that I’ll share them here.
Sometimes, this coming and going is because of values of clarity. Sometimes it is levels of contrast. That is – at first it is very distinct as it is something new. But we soon get used to it. It becomes normal and ordinary – even deep values of bliss and peace. We should not expect the intensity of the event to return as we will have become used to it, integrated it. But we can expect it to deepen and get clearer. Remember – the flash is not the important part. I know a few people who have passed early stages of contrast, like being a distinct separate witness, but they still look for the witness as the contrast was a kind of marker even if it’s a step down.
This coming and going also illustrates the cyclic nature of the process. We seem to take 2 steps forward, then a step back to integrate.
However, there are some things that will continue to ramp up indefinitely – those fundamental values of reality. Like the depth of bliss, peace, and freedom. Just when you think you have experienced the ultimate peace, love or rapture, some deeper value comes along.
Another point to mention is not to hold to an experience. It may form a milestone for you, but looking to it as reality and holding it will keep you from moving further. If it’s an experience or memory, it is not being.
You clearly see 2 aspects there – there is the quiet self-validating opening which gradually becomes integrated. (normal, ordinary) This is awakening to the Self within, it is now real, not a concept.
And there is the mind, seeking to understand or grasp what is beyond it. It is easy to fall into doubt as the mind receives few messages that are not such. Our world is full of messages of dis-validation. This is the nature of the ego. It needs to be right so makes what it does not perceive as self to be wrong. Black and white, good or bad, right or wrong.
And in the seeing, you have seen you are not the doubt, nor the mind that brings it up. This is seeing through the illusion, the noise.
The discomfort and so forth arises for a few reasons. For one, you are moving forward and so this brings what no longer serves to the surface to be seen and released. Just see it as another opportunity to allow. The world is also moving forward, pushing us along. And because of your increased clarity, you see stuff you didn’t used to see. It has always been there but now you have a step back and see what it has been. Not pretty. But it only seems worse because now we see it. (laughs) Finally, there is the aspect mentioned above – the ego is nervous about it’s future.
And yes, the mind is attached to consequence, to result. Expectations lead to suffering. Again, this is the ego idea that this is who I am that causes this. The process of release takes time. On the cosmic scale, it is the blink of an eye, but in the middle of it, it seems to take forever. When we put our attention on it, time seems to slow down. The whole thing is just an exercise in being OK with what is so we can learn to allow.
All it takes is one complete allowing, just for a moment, for first awakening. Then the Self can step forward. And we find it was organizing it all along…
The sense of contradiction is a good thing. It means you have made deep progress. That there are now as if 2 of you. self and Self. The heavy sense of attachment arises from something that may not be conscious yet, the grasp, the identity.
But you see the simplicity of it, so the grip begins to loosen. The concepts of ego begin to lose control. Of course this makes them nervous. Remember you are human and the beauty of this process is you will see it clearly and thus can help others who follow. There is some more mud to clear, some long habits of thinking. But the benefits will come. Amusingly (or not), they will come mostly when it no longer matters (laughs). At first they are subtle, so easily overshadowed by want and expectation. Later, they will dominate everything. Happiness more real than a table.
These days, mind will seem the enemy, playing tricks, pretending to be what it’s not. It has created an illusion of staggering proportions that you cannot begin to imagine. Our entire universe, but a pearl in a much bigger place that itself is one of many. But don’t make mind the enemy – that is not allowing. And that is stepping into the mind’s game rather than being the player. It’s a game the mind cannot win for Self is so much greater. Eventually, the mind will be your friend again. It will be your ladder home, your means of expression to bring bliss into the world.
It is a curious paradox. What you are looking for is not concrete and thus will have few concrete ‘benefits’. Yet, once you are that which you already are, it will become more real than the world and person you once thought real. And then that realness will move forward and absorb all of it, into a greater real than we can conceive.
Be patient. Soon it will be clear why this.
Davidya
Last Updated on November 11, 2017 by Davidya
Davidya,
You said-
‘At the same time, the Self is still seen through some values of illusion so it seems vague, distant, and the benefits may be uncertain.’
This is exactly what i have been struggling with.
Because of this distance and vagueness, there is the sense that there are three aspects to my being.
One is the very obvious mind, another one is the more subtle and ‘distant’ aspect of the background, and between these two points of reference moves the third aspect which seems to be attention.
The background aspect is so subtle and ungraspable, but in another sense totally obvious, that it feels like i am in some kind of no-mans land.
On the one hand, i see the mind for what it is and i realize it not to be me, but on the other hand the background has not yet become clear enough for me to fall back into it.
It feels like there is nowhere to position myself in the background aspect (haha,of course there isn’t)
So, it is the action of the ego trying to come along for the ride, trying to establish itself in the ‘beyond’.
At this point description has become increasingly difficult, i find myself repeating the same things in an attempt to express more and more subtle understandings.
Thankyou for your time.
Kris
ah yes – the attention, that is also known as the observer or witness. With the soul awake, there can be this sense of separate witness, not yet found to be the same as the inner silence, definitely not the mind, etc.
Some people even describe a 4th aspect – a kind of gap between the inner and outer, a gap where the witness moves.
While it may seem a little vague, you do describe it very well. no-mans land, the no-thing, the emptiness.
How that progresses for people varies a little. Some find a deepening of the sense of emptiness until it becomes a kind of completeness. Some find the emptiness becomes a kind of fullness. Same thing, just how it is experienced differs.
Note you used the word ‘ungraspable’ – great word for the ego mind. It likes to grasp. This is the habit of attachment in action.
Yes, nowhere to position. Yes, the ego looking to be the Self. Well put. Its not even so much that it must get clearer, although that helps. It’s really that you simply need to allow more deeply. You already are the ‘background’. It is only distant from the mind. When you can relax into it fully, you will become that.
Clear helps as you can see it more clearly and can establish it more easily. But it is not a barrier. There is no barrier.
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OK… yes yes and yes and I see and that makes sense etc.. now.. accepting but not accepting pain accrued.. ug.. help?..
A.M. Hay
Thank you…
Catalyst for awakening has been recent disintegration of long term marriage with children.. I’m seeing it for what it is but having difficulty with releasing ego.. ownership etc… as she engages with other people. How to be Ok with it, with it hurting.. or ok with not being ok with it hurting?… ug…. :-).. On a side.. Thank you for your words.. At moments I observe and seems like fear of experiencing the pain takes over.. but I see the process a bit..
(laughs).. thank you
AMHay.. also focused on that today 26th.. is birthday..perhaps allowing ego to feed off that too.. all I know is that I dont know
Hi AM
Thanks for the feedback. In this post, I am responding to a question of experience of the process of opening. Mind may not follow it as it is experiential rather than intellectual.
The path of opening or awakening is one of allowing, accepting, releasing. Of gradually increasing clarity.
Pain may initially arise as a signal something is wrong. But if it continues or originates in our response to events, then it is arising in resistance. This is the opposite of allowing or accepting. Thus, teachers will suggest you look into it, see where it arises from. When you see it, you will be caught in the drama less and less.
Now, this doesn’t mean accepting what we are unwilling to. But that unwillingness will show us the resistance and allow us to see through it. The key point here is not what is right or wrong, it is about what just is.
In this context, accepting doesn’t mean being good with it. Good is just the other side of bad. What I refer to is stepping past that altogether. It’s about being OK with it as it is, being neutral.
True neutrality cannot happen until we have awoken, stopped associating with our ego sense of being other. As long as there is duality, there is one side or the other. But we can move towards that.
I’m not sure if I’ve addressed your question. Let me know if you’d like more…
I’ve written here a few times about what I call “The Push”. The sense of life’s events moving us forward in spite of any inertia on our part. I’ve been where you speak. It’s not easy.
You’ll need to give yourself patience and healing, like you broke your arm or something. You seem to see it fairly clearly which is good. Don’t try to be OK, but allow whatever you can. This is the route to healing. As you mention, being OK with not being OK.
Fear of pain will certainly arise. Allow that too as you can. What I found helped me a lot was culturing gratitude. Finding things to be grateful for each day. That then creates moments when you can really let go.
I also found that I could not stop loving them, so I generalized the feelings. Took them off the person and moved it to an idea of them. That’s all it ever was anyway.
The process can sometimes seem never-ending but the effort is worth it. Eventually you can come to a place of complete openness with an undefended heart. Lifes events will be but a breeze on the ocean of love. No person to take it personally. Relationship is just a flow. If it doesn’t work out, its just another experience.
Happy Birthday! Be sure to give yourself a reward. 😉 My birthday was never an automatic holiday…
See also What is Ignorance?
https://davidya.ca/2014/06/26/what-is-ignorance/