Growing the Group

In the recent post on Groups, I observed the key role of groups in the world. The group trumps the individual. Even without that awareness, we have laws to uphold a standard for example. To uphold the group. As Spock so famously said “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” (laughs)

So how does one grow the group? How does one grow the forest? You can treat the forest as a whole with things like big meditative groups. But within that you have to take care of the individual.

One of the clearest ways we can talk about growing the group is in family dynamics. This is a group where the dynamics are very strong, roles have been established over long periods, and habit often rules relationship. Most of us have at some point struggled with parents who continue to harbor habits of thinking about us that got fixed by some impressions when we were perhaps 8 or 10. We reach 25, yet find our parents often treating us like children. If the family units are healthy then at some point, the former child will assert a new role and the parents will “wake up” to the change. The dynamic will change and the group will shift. A similar thing happens when parents begin to lose capacity and are no longer able to carry the ‘matriarch’ or similar role. Sometimes the former roles are reversed.

In all cases, if we take care of ourselves, we can aid in healing all of those in our groups. I know several people who have reached a level of emotional clearing, of forgiveness, and found that long harbored grudges or repressed issues resolve. They did not always see their contribution to the dynamic. It takes 2 to tango. If we step out of the dance, the play must end.

Of course, we cannot heal another. They may be too invested in certain roles. The play is over, the curtains have fallen, and still they play to an empty house. But that is theirs to learn. We can only be who we are and that is enough. It is the best we can do for them, to be the lantern when they are ready.

Now, don’t be going all ego on me. Be careful who it is thats saying “I am the way and the truth and the light.” You are, but not the little you. It is only the big you, the you that is also me that is the way home.


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